Twas the night before Christmas and in our little house, Scout’s making a racket, he’s chasing a mouse.

The stockings are twisted in a pile on the floor, Scout ate all the candy, he’s looking for more.

The cows are all comfy and all full of hay, dreaming of silage for lunch Christmas day.

Honey in Victoria Secret, I in my Underoos, we’re all snuggled up for a Christmas Eve snooze.

When all of the sudden we heard such a racket, I yanked on my gum boots and threw on my jacket.

Away to the front door I leapt like a frog, Stubbed my toe on the gun safe, tripped over the dog.

The rain had subsided the clouds were all gone, The moonlight made sparkly the ice on my lawn.

That’s when I saw it and I’m not just braggin’, 8 Whitetail deers were pulling a wagon.

They bounced down a hill and splooshed through the crick, I knew then and there this must be St Nick.

More rabid than beagles my curses they flew, But they just kept a comin, This elf and his crew.

For muddin’ my yard, I would not take the blame, I shook both my fists and gave the deer names.

“Now 8 point! Now Mossy! Now Rutter! Now Fawn! Stop all that racket!  Get off of my lawn!”

I guess about then they all caught my scent,  They leapt on the roof and left nary a dent.

As I threw the dead-bolt and locked up the door, Santa bounced down the chimney and rolled out on the floor.

He was all dressed in red from his hat to his boots, Like those fake ones at Wal-Mart with fakity suits.

But this one was real I could tell in a minute, He had a big sack with our goodies in it.

His eyes how they shined, His whiskers were frisky, I sensed the aroma of egg nog and whiskey.

His movements were fast and almost seemed blurry, Our presents were placed by the tree in a hurry.

Then on to our stockings he filled them with glee, One for Scout, one For Honey, and the big one for me.

His work was done here, he shot up the chimbly, Leapt into his sleigh, for a large man quite nimbly.

They launched off the tin through my roof building clutter, Ran over my nail-gun and knock down a gutter.

I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,  “Either pick up your tools or turn on some lights!”